why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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