She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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