She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
