Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You smell like stripper and shame
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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