Apparently you make a good broom.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
