dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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