i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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