Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
How external is "for external use only"?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
