dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
