FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
