So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
