What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
