she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
