I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
