we're chasing vodka with high fives
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
