Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
