Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
