our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
