Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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