I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
