she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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