His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
