I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
