He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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