Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
