at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
