Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
