my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
