I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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