I love black thongs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Boobs are out for the taking
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
