I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
