Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
