I puked a lego.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
