shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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