He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
