i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
