nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
