Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
