can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
