I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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