I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
