i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm jealous of your bromance
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
