i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
