ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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