just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
