New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
