there's paper in my vomit.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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