Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
