Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
