And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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