After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Found the puke drawer
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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