Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
