Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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