brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
