I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
