That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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