I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
