you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
