Banned from zoo.
Again?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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