take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
