Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
