i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
