omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
