i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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