My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
