took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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