I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
