made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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