She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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