The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize